joy, what a simple thing

yes.. joy, that's one thing that's been missing. it's been a really enriching week for mi, and i think i've learnt alot and thought through quite a bit.. on the way home from cell on mon, was talking to brandon abt ministry work and stuff and something he said hit mi.. he was saying abt having a spiritual thermometer and that is to see if one has joy when he/she enters into a service, and i was wondering...where is my joy? it's been a long time since i've experienced complete joy and freedom when i come into His presence. it's been a time of been distant and unable to sense His presence that i feel that i've been jaded. it's true, joy... where has it been? everytime i pray before praise and worship starts, for us to put our burdens down and worship with a true heart .. how many times have i failed at doing so? joy joy joy how i yearn for that.. know that i've been really snappy nowadays.. trying to make an effort to change that.. and yet it's amazing that what i'm supposed to teach for cell was phillipians.. written by paul when he was chained up in the roman prison and yet he preached of joy, and again he said rejoice...

fire conference was good.. hestitated going initially but i'm really glad i did. din noe what to expect but though the messages wasn't particularly impactful but i felt it spoke to mi personally. of the bible characters that reinhard bonkke spoke of, they are people who tot of themselves to be too unworthy to be used, who tot little of their talents, and those who doubted themselves ... so in tune with what all of us are.. esp when we talk abt going into ministry.. yet God made use of every single one of them, turning what seems like a defeat into triumphant victory, from someone who thought nothing of himself to one who's made to be such a mighty instrument for God. how it resonates with my heart's worries and how it has told mi to not tink so little of what God has given but to have faith in Him and what little we have shall turn into such useful things for God to bless. my worries abt my inadequacies, i shall leave it to God..

felt really blessed for the past two days.. was still wondering how to go about for the workshop for the conference since it's not at indoor stadium ... and it's all been solved for us when we met brandon.. have been chauffeured ard for the past 2 days.. no more worries..hehe...have been eating without paying recently.. time for us to buy him lunch back someday.. felt really good to be in the company of Godly counsel for the past week.. picking up on my discipline to do QT too.. it's been a great wk.. may joy be with mi and whoever's reading this.. =)

craving for ben&jerrys now... *drools*